The Turning of A Chapter

Last night I came to a realization that I am truly in the Father's care and the purpose for my life is continuous and unknown for the most part.  However, what I do know is that He has a purpose for me and a purpose for this.  I could continue to grieve, whine and complain.  I could continue to pity myself and declare that this life is meaningless without true understanding.  Yet there is one thing that I have learned and it is that I am a strong woman, a woman of wisdom and imperfections.  I may not be the best but I am the best person to accomplish the purpose God has assigned to me.  

The Father spoke to my heart and was the only one to make sense of the statement, "Malik was here to serve his purpose and his purpose was completed."  At the time when people said that it didn't make sense and to be honest now it still doesn't make sense completely.  My statement to their platitude was always, "What in the world could the purpose of my son have been as an infant in the womb?"  I got my answer last night in worship.  The Holy Spirit ministered to me as 'clear as day', as we say in the Bahamas, and said that Malik's life and process of growth and death was all to make room in my life for the purpose that is being birthed out of me.  My heart's increased capacity and this entire experience is all apart of God drawing me into His purpose and though I am not certain of what that is I am finally free and the burden removed.  I am finally able to look at my life and see more than I feel.   Yes, at times I 'feel' helpless and hopeless.  At times I feel tired and beaten down but that's only what I feel and not what I know.

I know that all things work together for good for them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.  I know that I have been fearfully and wonderfully made and made in His image and in His likeness.  I know that He is concerned with everything that concerns me and says that I am blessed in the city and blessed in the fields.  He says that I am the head and not the tail and above and not beneath.  He says that when the enemy comes in like a flood the Spirit of the Lord will raise up a standard before him.  My God, my Father, my friend that sticks closer than a brother says that He who has begun a good work in me is faithful to complete it.  I Know The God That I Serve and He said that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  I love my God and though at times I don't do what I should or say what I should, or pray like I should He is always there.  Oh thank you Jesus for always interceding on my behalf ensuring that I have the ear of the Father.  

I am only a vessel of the Father and however, He needs to use me or get my attention then so be it.  Therefore, I have decided to bring this chapter of my journey to a close.  No more having a space to cry on or a place to continue my self loathing and anguish, all of that/this is meaningless. Who is this blog helping really?  All it does is perpetuate the sadness and I am not sad any more. I'm not angry anymore.  I've got my joy back and I've got my peace back.  Nahaja Black is back. The new phase in my life, the next chapter, will be to set my eyes on the cross.  The Holy Spirit told me that there are words that He wants me to speak and write.  Though I am not sure where this road is taking me, I know that I am being lead by Him and He said that if I make one step He will make two more for me.  It's time for me to take the plunge.  If you wish you can join me on this new journey with the Lord.  The name of my new blog will be called Purpose Driven.  Let's dive into the deep together.  I know for some that this isnt appealing and it all sounds good but hey I have nothing left to lose so why the heck not. :)

The Mystery Within

There is a mystery to life. A mystery that leaves us wondering of the next turn, the ups and the down. There is a mystery of how in the midst of sorrow we can feel joy. A mystery that in the midst of hate we can still feel love. It's a mystery. It's a mystery how even when we have everything how we want and say that we 'need' more. It's amazing how with the same mouth from which we can say, 'I love you", we can say "I hate you". It's a mystery how a God so good and righteous and Holy can love and care for someone so tainted and broken and messed up as me. How he loves me is beyond comprehension. I am no better now than I was before Aug 29th, actually I think that I am worse.

I find that I am angrier now than ever before and I am not certain why. Yet in the midst of this I am at my most creative. I find now that I am more aware of what is important and what is not, yet at the same time I am wrestling with the vanity of it all. I am considering myself a mystery. Between the space of 24hours I had two people that I barely know or would hardly expect to be thinking of me, call me and say that the Lord has placed me on their heart to pray for me. I find this interesting because I would consider this entire week a good week minus the car accident, of which i was in the wrong. Thankfully, no one was hurt. But all of this makes me wonder what is God up to? What does He have planned that I am unaware of and if the angels are fighting on my behalf how come I am so unaware that I am in trouble? I tell you my friends it is all a mystery.

"Father not my will but thine be done."

Ecclesiastes 1

Everything Is Meaningless

1 The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:

2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?

4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.

5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.

6 The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.

7 All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.

8 All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.

9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

10 Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.

11 There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow.